


Burdens of the Mind

by bonesmctightass



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Sickeningly Sweet, spones trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 21:07:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8028976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonesmctightass/pseuds/bonesmctightass
Summary: Leonard contemplates his usefulness at the conclusion of the five year mission. Spock sets him straight.





	Burdens of the Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleepymccoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepymccoy/gifts).



> Thank you my dear sleepymccoy for all of the encouragement and support you've given me over the last couple of months. I hope you enjoy this small token of gratitude!

On days like these, when the air is warm and the sun is sinking low into the horizon, Leonard McCoy takes a few moments to stand by the picture window in his cluttered Atlanta office and stare up at the sky. It’s brilliant, stained stunning shades of swirling pinks and purples and yellows. They mix together like some deity he doesn’t believe in is using the endless universe as a canvas and the stars are its brush and it becomes the backdrop of the rush hour traffic he sits in on his way home.

Then he stares out of his car window and squints, tries to see all of the stars popping out just beneath the surface of the dying watercolor sunlight. He finds himself thinking about his time in space and he _misses_ it. The car behind him blares its horn impatiently and Leonard, brought back to reality, shouts profanity out of the open frame. He keeps looking up as he drives, thinking about his past adventures all the while.

Another five year mission. Another _five years_ in space. Leonard never thought he would yearn for that. Lulled into a dull sense of complacency, every day the same Georgia hospital, the normalcy of it all. He was foolish to think that returning to his old life would bring him happiness, make him feel like he’s even half the doctor he really is. Without the limitless stretch of open space, without alien cultures to explore, to heal, without being the catalyst which saves entire worlds, what is he? Nothing. Absolutely _nothing_.  

Leonard laments on what he’s become. Every great thing he’s ever done in his life happened on that tin can floating in the looming blackness. The memories float around in his consciousness stinging him like angry hornets. They eat away at him, drag him further down the spiral into self-deprecating misery.  He pulls into the driveway, the property consumed with an overwhelming darkness that threatens to swallow it up. Leonard steels himself before leaving the vehicle. The gently flitting fireflies radiate a soft green glow like tiny night lights. They remind Leonard of little stars set against the velvet curtain of all-consuming night, blinking steadily to let the onlookers know they’re still there, still alive, not as far off as they seem.

And then he enters the house and remembers that he doesn’t have to try so hard. Everything he’s ever wanted is right there in front of him and all he had to do was go beyond the stars to reap what he’d spent his life sewing. The man waiting for his return, the object of his affections and the life they’ve built together, _this_ is truly Leonard’s greatest accomplishment. And he remembers that he is _enough_.

Spock is milling about the kitchen fixing dinner for the two of them to share after their hard day’s work. Leonard can’t help but stand in the doorway and stare, enthralled by the simple domesticity of it all. It warms him from the inside out, makes his heart swell so thoroughly he thinks it might burst.

“Welcome home, Leonard.” The way Spock says his name with such adoration fills him to the brim with a saccharine mixture of love and pride that he would gladly drown in. Leonard crosses the tiled floor and wraps his arms around the Vulcan’s waist. He spares a passing glance at expressive dark eyes before kissing those plush lips sweet and slow. Everything he feels is magnified exponentially and his own body isn’t enough to contain it. It seeps out of him, radiates from him in waves and fills Spock up, too. Every kiss is like the first time and Leonard thinks he might be more in love now than ever before.

When they’ve breathed all they can from each other’s lungs, Spock is flushed an endearing shade of jade. It’s beautiful, the way the artificial light plays off his olive skin. It leaves Leonard breathless.

“You are troubled.” For once, Spock seems to be marginally unsure of himself. He reaches out to ghost his fingers over the stubbled skin of his lover’s jaw. They linger briefly, then the pads are moving up along his cheek to settle in their familiar pattern. Leonard just laughs quietly and turns his face towards to comforting palm, cool to the touch. He presses a chaste kiss there and smiles warmly.

“I was, but turns out I just needed you to make it all better.” Spock looks at him skeptically but decides to drop the subject for the time being.

They take their respective places at the small dining room table and Leonard never feels as hungry as he does in moments like these. Seems Spock’s cooking is the only thing that can really satisfy him these days. “How’s that experiment going? That one you were telling me about this morning.”

Spock immediately begins explaining the parameters of the tests in great detail with as much expression and animation as a Vulcan is capable of. The passion flows from him like an endless river and Leonard is more than happy to be swept up in it. He has his chin in his palm and he’s leaning heavily on his elbow as he listens, watching the man on the other side of the table with unbridled admiration.

It doesn’t take long for Spock to notice that Leonard isn’t really interested in his explanations. “I do not understand why you continue to ask me about my research if you have no intention of following it.” He sounds put off which only succeeds in making Leonard smile wider.

“Because, darlin’. I like to hear you get excited about things once in a while, see your human half come out a bit.” Leonard laughs at the scandalized expression on Spock’s face which signals the abrupt end of their conversation.

They finish their meal in a comforting silence, simply basking in each other’s presence. Leonard insists on cleaning up the mess. Spock allows that and settles on the couch to read while he waits. When the kitchen has been cleaned they fall into their nightly routine. They retire to the bathroom and stand side by side as they brush their teeth, then Spock meditates and Leonard catches up on paperwork.

An hour passes and Spock switches out his robes in favor of one of Leonard’s well-worn T-shirts and a pair of flannel pajama pants. Leonard has his eyes fixed on his lover as he climbs up onto the bed and slides beneath the blankets with an elegance that only he could display. Spock wears his clothes like a badge of honor and Leonard feels his heart swelling with vigor.

“Are you going to tell me what was bothering you this afternoon, or shall I obtain the answer for myself?” His determined gaze breaks through Leonard’s defenses. It shatters, fragile as glass, and he’s deflating again. He never could hide his feelings from Spock.

The doctor sighs gently and cards his fingers through his hair. “It’s just that… Well, you know. Feels kind of like I hit my peak up there. Now that I’m back home I don’t… Being at the hospital, it just feels like I don’t have it in me anymore. What good am I now?” Leonard is struggling to find the words to adequately describe the tumultuous ocean of troubles that rages against his mind.

He realizes he isn’t looking at Spock anymore. Instead he is staring forlornly down at his padd. Cool fingers touch his heated cheek and Leonard allows the pressure to turn his head where Spock wants it to go.

“You worry that you have nothing left to offer.” Spock pauses, finds the affirmation he’s searching for in stormy eyes. “Leonard. You are the most renowned doctor across the universe. Members of species spanning the galaxy come to this city to be healed by you. You are just as indispensable now as you were aboard the Enterprise. Your skills in your field are unmatched. More importantly, your patients believe you have _much_ to give. You offer the promise of life.”

Leonard begins to feel the welcoming embrace of relief and purpose envelope him once again. “Suppose you’re right.” He takes the hands in his and presses a kiss to each knuckle, reveling in each small intakes of breath that rewards him. “Of everything I’ve ever done in my life, getting you to fall in love with me was by far my greatest achievement.”   

Spock graces Leonard with a small smile.

“For once, I find myself completely in agreement with you.”


End file.
